Plausible Deniability
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "guevaraspheonix" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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01:08 pm
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12:43 pm
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three times the fun
oppressive heat and lingering pests cannot keep me down today, oh no, not today. i am too resolved and semi-accomplished - at least till october results produce a different feeling. and, it appears i am falling in love with a bumblebee. how strange. And, did you know, all polar bears and most cats are left handed.
Current Location: ilex
Current Mood:  thirsty
Current Music: news
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11:05 am
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July 2008 - A Pictorial Review
A lot of sitting and waiting
Arrival into the modern age
Bar exam penultimate pen
Bar exam review
Bar exam review - vertical style
Congaree Swamp
Jon and Elizabeth - Myrtle Beach - July 4th
Pope
Miranda at Congaree
Random Miranda
Bowling
MK and I
More Myrtle Beach from July 4th
UK Smokes
V - Myrtle Beach - July 4th
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood:  accomplished
Current Music: Rammstein - Zerstoren
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10:04 pm
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Evening Study Goal - Objective Acquired - Reflection Possible
In my efforts to recreate, assimilate, and otherwise being able to regurgitate what I have or should have learned in law school, I feel accomplished enough for the evening to turn to other modes of rear view dissection. I have scoured my archives in search of things that have gone before. This review reminds me of one of the oft repeated mantras of Battlestar Galactica, "this has all happened before, and it will all happen again." I cannot provide adequate justification for the placement of that line; however, my instinct tells me it's germane to the topic of the evening. That being, mostly, the metamorphosis that has occurred throughout my tenure as a live journal participant. The years have been a refinery for my mind, my thoughts, my actions and all subsequent accounting therefrom. It was a revelation to be sure. I was quite literally embarrassed by many of the entries. I toyed with the notion of their destruction, or at least their full shelving somewhere in the unseen realms of the web. However, I couldn't, despite the amount of shame I felt about some of them, the amount of resentment about others. Horror, hurt, lies, vulgarity, disgust, banality, crassness, and pointless pursuits - these all have a right to be memorialized. I suppose, I think, I refuse to be dishonest to myself. Such a notion likely fits well with my distaste for cosmetic surgery and other like shallow endeavors. In the end, I refuse to be a revisionist historian as to my own past. I am who I am, in full miserable beauty.
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: The Smiths - I know it's over
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04:16 pm
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random fiction born of a few empty hours here and there . . .
The journey continued on, endlessly it seemed, as if no true destination actually awaited them. But, reality was too blinding to allow such a recklessly unsupported façade stand for long. They both knew their heading; they knew all too well the terminal that would bring a conclusion to their late night drive. There was no escape from the prison walls constructed in their minds - bricks of knowledge stacked tightly together with a thick mortar of truth. All that remained before them was the long drive over the dark countryside and whatever companionship two strangers could offer one another in the cool air of fall.
Behind the wheel, his eyes shuttered slowly every few minutes, temporarily weighed down by a growing desire to do nothing other than rest his weary body. In his mind, he noticed each moment, each instance when his world turned completely black for the narrowest of seconds. He resisted the urge to heed; he loathed such pointless mental recordings. He devoted all his intellectual fortitude towards developing a rouse that would allow him to play the charlatan trickster to his self-determined infirmity. Yet, his own mind knew him too well; his cunning games constantly left him one step behind his involuntary recollections, which continued counting every instantaneous flash of darkness.
In the passenger seat, she wiled away the minutes and hours by contemplating only random useless thoughts. Thoughts that served as temporary distractions from the sound of tires spinning, without hesitation or pause, down the desolate road. She considered the indiscernible shadowy green blurs formed by the tall pines as they sped by. She stared in awe at the deep night sky and its radiant glory, but only briefly. If the principals of space and intangible infinity were allowed to settle in her mind for any longer than just a minute, her focus would become too great. She shifted quickly then, slightly unsettled and diagramed truncated political paradigms in her mind; there were social utopias and welfare states, there were kings who rose and fell in a matter of seconds, reigns that ended as quickly as a mind can think. Such musings lacked a certain hint of peril when compared to the vastness of the universe. These ideas were safe; they were normative and limited by their ephemeral applications.
His left hand, covered with a thin layer of moisture, weathered and tanned, clutched the wheel with a defiant hesitation that was tempered only by begrudging inevitability. With his right, he slowly tuned the radio, in and out, in search of something familiar. After quickly fleeing from the sounds of gospel hymns, brimstone preachers, and big band swings, he twitched his lips slightly upwards and allowed a resolute sigh to escape his lungs. The sweet soft voice of that old rhythm vocalist that he once knew so well was now by his side again. He heard the unforgettable lines first, as they gently permeated the crisp air inside car. Then, the heart-pounding strum of the guitar strings soon followed with a melody that was infectious and numbing all at once. He momentarily lost track of his shuttering eyes. He was consumed by nostalgia now and sank into a state of insincere tranquility.
Her ears perked up casually at the sound of the soft chanson, but she quickly let it fade into the background and blend with the orchestra of noise created by the deep forest cloaked in the darkness of night. Time continued to pass in a fashion forever familiar. It crept along slowly while concluding, almost all at once, in a flash, like the uninvited kudzu that envelops a dilapidated house, which was previously a home. There was complete ennui contained in a minute, but an entire lifetime in the rearview mirror. She stared at her hands, elegant but worn, and imagined the blood coursing through her veins, running like wild streams from a breathtaking fountain birthed in her heart. She envisioned the waves of blue essence sustaining her every thought and movement and gravely considered the chemical reaction necessary to expose an eruption of fiery passion from the calm force dictating to her body. Again, she suddenly felt that same gaping whole opening deep within her stomach; she could feel herself free falling from the limb of that primeval tree. The awe-inspiring nature of the human form drew much too similar a comparison with the stars of the night sky. She summarily sent another king forward to bow at the guillotine. She was consumed by distraction now and sank into a state of insincere tranquility.
They sat there, side-by-side in the car, as their journey continued on, never deterred. Their pulses began to quicken pace, in tandem, as the horizon indifferently revealed what instinct delineated as the destination they have both awaited with hesitant resolve. They pulled up slowly, and their car eased to a halt. For a brief moment, they turned their heads towards each other. Their eyes offered soft comfort tainted with a hint of reluctance, and they allowed their hands to lock only long enough to afford each other the firm encouragement of another’s genuine embrace. They looked ahead then, paused with a last thought destined for the borderless realm of unrealized potential, and left the familiarity of the car behind them as they went forward together.
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie
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10:22 am
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Obama 08
We are now an Obama house and I have made a contribution and everything, like a real citizen should. Also, I ordered some Obama gear.
See the evidence below:
As you can see, Boots, the neighbor's cat, supports Obama, although only tacitly.
And . . .
Langston Hughes also supports Obama . . . not surprising I suppose.
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood:  cheerful
Current Music: Pearl Jam
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08:53 am
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The Last Week or So
Well, I have a decent amount of news from over the last week or so; however, most of it is related to some form of medium. However, let us recap together.
Lets start with last Friday, the 13th. We hosted a Friday the 13th party, which I termed a Halloween party with the necessary Halloween decorations and candy. It was a lovely good time. I dressed as a bar tender, V was a cab driver, lots of friends showed up, including Beth, whose birthday was the night before. Also, I had a number of co-workers show up - some with friends. That aspect was also entertaining. Also, Erin drove down from Greensboro and Jenna from Athens; I love that type of commitment to a good time. Thanks all!
Last Monday, the 16th, V, Josh, and I went to see Pearl Jam play for the first time ever in Columbia. And, in case you missed that, yeah, I said PEARL JAM. It was frakkin awesome. And, the set list, as seen here, http://www.pearljam.com/tour/setlist.php?date=200806162000 ,was bad ass and included some of my favorite songs. And, at this point, allow me to highlight some of my favorite songs that they sang along with a little flavor from each.
They got us on our feet early and rocking with Why Go -
"She's been diagnosed by some stupid fuck;
and mommy agrees.
Why go home?"
Next favorite for me, I Am Mine -
"I know I was born and I know that I'll die;
The in between is mine;
I am mine"
Next was another Ten great, Even Flow -
"Kneelin', looking through the paper though he doesn't know to read, ooh yeah
Oh, prayin', now to something that has never showed him anything
Oh, feelin', understands the weather of the winters on its way
Oh, ceilings, few and far between all the legal halls of shame, yeah"
They also played my favorite song, and you have to see the entire song, because it's that good, Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town -
"i seem to recognize your face
haunting, familiar, yet i can't seem to place it
cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
lifetimes are catching up with me
all these changes taking place, i wish i'd seen the place
but no one's ever taken me
hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
i swear i recognize your breath
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
me, you wouldn't recall, for i'm not my former
it's hard when, you're stuck upon the shelf
i changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
perhaps that's what no one wants to see
i just want to scream...hello...
my god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return
but now here you are, and here i am
hearts and thoughts they fade...away...
hearts and thoughts they fade...away...
hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away...
hearts and thoughts they fade..."
Umm... frak yeah!!
The next great song that they played Present Tense -
"you can spend your time alone, redigesting past regrets, oh
or you can come to terms and realize
you're the only one who can't forgive yourself, oh
makes much more sense to live in the present tense"
Then, Do The Evolution -
"I'm a thief, I'm a liar
There's my church, I sing in the choir:
(hallelujah, hallelujah)"
Then, during the first encore, they played a great song, which V tells me is rare and that I was very lucky to hear it - W.M.A. (White Male American)
"he won the lottery when he was born
took his mothers white breast to his tongue
trained like dogs, color and smell
walks by me to get to him
police man"
This was followed by the standard bearer, and as V predicted, the fratty/normy stupid looking couples around got a little huggy with each other, apparently those girls like to be beaten and refuse to find a better man too, Better Man -
"She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man...
She dreams in color, she dreams in red, can't find a better man..."
And the last great one for me was during the second encore, Alive -
"While you were sittin' home alone at age thirteen
Your real daddy was dyin', sorry you didn't see him, but I'm glad we talked...
Oh I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey, I, I, oh, I'm still alive
Hey I, oh, I'm still alive"
Needless to say, I loved this show. It was a mind frak for sure.
The rest of the work week was a bit of an obvious bore and drag, as was the bar course stuff. However, during the week, I did watch the mid-season finale of Battlestar Galactica, and it was frakkin amazing. I can't reveal details here cause some of you are far behind. But, yes, BSG is in and of itself God. I also finished season 3 of Veronica Mars, and though I liked the season fine, the last couple of episodes were definitely disappointing. They were notably pedestrian.
Then, yesterday, which was consumed early with much needed yard work, was kicked off with V and I finding ourselves at the Summer Solstice Party at Jake's Bar and Grill in 5 Points. We started drinking at 2 in the afternoon and listened to the live bands, while conversing with a few of V's co-workers. By 7 pm or so, we were both rather wrecked. We walked to Yesterday's for some dinner; neither of us had eaten all day. Then we went home at 9 to nap, and well, I just feel asleep. The bands were decent. One was a Pixies cover band, one of the bands featured a co-worker of V's, and they were good as well. Fun time though.
And, in other news, A week or so back, V and I went to Great Falls for the Beckhamville Battle reenactment and history day. It turns out that back country South Carolina folk have lost their touch with the hanging thing and we saw Dr. Judge from Winthrop in addition to a lovely lady V used to work with at Dacus.
And, my brother won $22,250~ on a nickel slot machine a week or so ago. I had two thoughts: you lucky bastard, and what are you an 80 year old woman.
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Pearl Jam
Tags: http://www.pearljam.com/tour/setlist.php
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05:09 pm
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Lists
Today afforded me a great deal of spare time, well, at least time when a lot of multitasking could be accomplished; thus, I have created a number of lists of my favorite shows and movies. And, I don’t care if you don’t care. Also, these are my favorites, personally, not necessarily the best according to the average person or the rest of the world.
Top Ten Movies:
1. History of the World, Part I
2. The Last of the Mohicans
3. Glory
4. Blazing Saddles
5. Sleepy Hollow
6. 300
7. Tombstone
8. Gangs of New York
9. There Will Be Blood
10. Clerks II
Top Ten Action Movies:
1. 300
2. Tombstone
3. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
4. Kill Bill Vol. 1
5. Unforgiven
6. Batman Begins
7. Troy
8. King Arthur
9. Gladiator
10. Pirates of the Caribbean
Top Ten Comedy Movies:
1. History of the World, Part I
2. Blazing Saddles
3. Clerks II
4. Monty Python’s The Life of Brian
5. Austin Powers: Goldmember
6. Little Miss Sunshine
7. Spaceballs
8. Juno
9. The Producers
10. Dogma
Top Ten Horror Movies:
1. Sleepy Hollow
2. Saw
3. Sweeney Todd
4. Slither
5. Resident Evil
6. Bram Stoker’s Dracula
7. 28 Days Later
8. Tremors
9. Army of Darkness
10. Killer Clowns from Outer Space
Top Ten Drama Movies:
1. The Last of the Mohicans
2. Glory
3. Gangs of New York
4. There Will Be Blood
5. Shawshank Redemption
6. Fried Green Tomatoes
7. Platoon
8. Requiem for a Dream
9. Full Metal Jacket
10. Schindler’s List
Top Ten Television Shows:
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Family Guy
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Deadwood
5. The Simpsons
6. Firefly
7. Batman: The Animated Series
8. The Office (British)
9. Carnivale
10. Rome
Top Ten Drama Television Shows:
1. Battlestar Galactica
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
3. Deadwood
4. Firefly
5. Carnivale
6. Rome
7. Veronica Mars
8. X-Files
9. Pushing Daisies
10. Heroes
Top Ten Animated Television Shows:
1. Family Guy
2. The Simpsons
3. Batman: The Animated Series
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
5. Futurama
6. Duck Tales
7. Scooby Doo
8. Aqua Teen Hunger Force
9. Sealab 2021
10. Looney Tunes
Top Ten Sitcom/Comedy Television Shows:
1. The Office (British)
2. Weeds
3. That 70’s Show
4. Boy Meets World
5. Home Improvement
6. The Office (American)
7. Saved by the Bell
8. Married with Children
9. Alf
10. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood: having to piss
Current Music: Massive Attack
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04:18 pm
[Link] | I have a discretionary and non-essential point of focus over the next two months, a task if you will, to wit, I will accept any advice from those with input to give. It is my understanding that some lawyers have, keep, and cherish, to no end, the pen they used to pass the bar exam. I admire and will mirror this practice. Thus, I will search for and procure that perfect, penultimate pen for the bar exam, which is the last Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday in July. It must be a good pen though, reliable and honest, with smooth ink flow, but not too smooth. It must be unique, but of course also ergonomic, while also aesthetically pleasing. It must be perfect. I will commence this search, and I will keep, treasure, and revere such pen, as long as I don’t fail with said pen, in which case I will likely burn the pen as a curse from the Lord of the Underworld. Although, I do recognize that this is not quite as innocent as, for example, a first blanket or the bronzing of a baby’s first boots for perpetuity, I can later use this pen for such momentous occasions as the signing of my marriage certificate or executing my will. But, I digress; first, I must find this pen.
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02:27 pm
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In Recent News...
I have begun my bar study courses, and at a cost of $2,250 I have the pleasure of listening to daily 4 hour lectures, reading thousands of pages of materials, and filling in blanks in canned outlines - oh this will be a great summer. At work, Carol and I have further discussed my future role. I am going to be a quasi attorney, though not the full associate. I don't think Carol is ready to make that decision yet and her malpractice insurance doesn't have to be renewed till August, she may have to make a more permanent decision then. However, I did get the associate attorney's office, which is frakkin awesome plus a very nice raise. It's pretty sweet. I'm almost like a real person.
Aside from that, I was not able to go to PA this weekend as planned, for several reasons; however, Leah says she will return to visit me soon as long as I promise to take her to the beach - fair enough. Also, I am getting ready for Halloween already, although it will be in Ohio with Erin and Co. - it should be cold, I hope. I have a list of horror movies that I intend to purchase between now and then. I have already started: I purchased 28 Days Later and Diary of the Dead (George Romero is a horror god) this weekend; I ordered the four movie pack of the Tremors series; and this morning I ordered Killer Clowns from Outer Space - awesome is all I can say.
V and I also decided to be sporty yesterday since it was so damn beautiful out. We went to the park for football throwing and punting, frisbee attempting, and one on one hoops, and then I knocked his glasses off, which sucked. But, it was otherwise nice to get out for once. We'll make a habit of it, and camping.
All the best...
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Xiu Xiu
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02:24 pm
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Supplement to Graduation Post - Pictures
Current Location: Ilex
Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Devotchka
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09:25 am
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Weekend in Spartanburg
Well, it was an exciting and busy weekend in Spartanburg. I arrived Friday afternoon and spent a few hours playing around with Jasmine and little Jonathan, which is always fun. They worship me! Then big Jon stopped by to pick them up and I got to see Jordan for a couple of minutes too. Always nice. Later that evening, I went out with Sebastian and some of his co-workers to celebrate his birthday; unfortunately he wanted to go Chief’s Wings, which is not the typical bar scene for me. It was crowded, hot, and full of people dancing. Though, it was a decent time and a 41 year old woman was somewhat flirting with me. She couldn’t believe I recognized so many sings (it was the 70’s and 80’s night). She then pointed out that I graduated with her daughter from high school, which I found hilarious. Near the end of the night, Sebastian disappeared (he was rather liberated) and I spent and hour with the cougar looking for him. I ended up paying his tab and the tab of another one of his co-workers who left without paying. That somewhat was not neat. I went home around 2 a.m. and ended up talking on the phone till 4:30 in the morning or so; Erin and I are chatty. On Saturday, Pam was taken in for her c-section at about 8 a.m. I showed up around noon with Arby’s for everyone and the baby was already born: Jayden Avant, 7 pounds 13 ounces. Everything went fine, but they were very cautious given Pam’s history. Pam was in some pain but okay all around. I milled around the hospital for a while but left later in the afternoon. I then spent about 6 hours watching an Indiana Jones marathon – awesome. That evening I went over to Thomas’ house and had a couple drinks with Shawn (Sean?) before heading out to Delaney’s to meet up with Johnny Edge and Jennifer; Jennifer was going back to Mobile the next day. Delaney’s was crowded and reeked of Woffies and locals; however, still a good time, though I was crap at darts that night. I again arrived back home around 2 a.m. and talked to Erin for an couple hours or so. Then, Sunday, I slept in till noon and then went back to the hospital for an hour or so. Pam was feeling a little better and we were all cooing over Jayden. My parents are as thrilled for their 8th grandchild as they were for their 1st – of course. Around 5:30 p.m. I left Spartanburg to return to Columbia. Last night was pretty laid back. I watched the latest episode of Battlestar Galactica, and may I say, damn. I love that show. I then read through Erin’s research paper on Washington’s Inauguration and nationalism. It was of admirable quality. And, now, today, I had to be at the law school around 8 a.m. for the beginning of the bar review courses – not exciting at all. I am currently trying to kill about an hour of down time. August cannot come soon enough.
Current Location: Law School
Current Mood:  blank
Current Music: People Chattering and Clattering
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04:55 am
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Law School Graduation
I am happy to be done with law school; that is a simple statement, which lacks much depth; however, it is really all I can say on the topic. As an academic journey, I have to say, I didn't much care for it. The end product is all that it offered me; it was the epitome of a means to an end, which is in stark contrast to my undergraduate days. That aside, I want to thank all those that took part in the festivities in any way, who attended the graduation, who called, who wished me well etc. I thank you all for your friendship and support without which, I would not have been able to do much of anything, much less finish three years of torture. I also want to point out that I regret the mechanics of the graduation itself. The folks of the ivory tower decided to move the event in doors at the last minute and limit the seating to ten per graduate, which did not work well for me. The night before graduation, I had to call my three great aunts and tell them they couldn't attend, needless to say, I didn't feel very great about myself at that moment. This hitch also caused other planning and arrangement issues which forced me to make difficult decisions. Basically, a load of manure that I did not want to have to deal with given I had quite a bit to deal for graduation as it was. However, everything worked out, I guess, as best it could. The cookout was a lot of fun, my father and mother were overwhelmed at the opportunity to see all of their children together again for the first time in five years. The last time was for my grandmother's funeral; thus, this was much happier. And, then, the informal evening party, well, that was a night of debauchery to say the least. I had a great time and drank an amazing amount of beer, which was unfortunate for my cell phone. I accidentally introduced it to the bottom of my toilet as I was urinating. But, that worked out for the best in the end.
Well, I'll leave it at that, await the bar exam in July, and again I offer my sincere thanks and appreciation to you all.
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10:41 pm
[Link] | Here, now, is a moment that requires and demands some personal reflection; a level of self-awareness that I have tended and actively tried to avoid. April is upon us, almost, and it is a month of momentous occasion for me. A month that, in the past, would have been a celebration of a beautiful thing; however, this year it shall prove painful I think. And, thus, this is the type of realization that demands critical analysis on my part. That portion of my story is in addition to a new, relatively minor fear I hold about current circumstances, but combined, they have rendered me subject to issues mostly behind me. And, to avoid belaboring the point past the measure of infinite stagnation, I shall simply provide the following: in the darkness of my life, the greatest measures of horror, which were most severely felt this past Fall, I have learned something; death, which, for those of you who don't know, is a topic of some considerable issue for me, is anything but instantaneous; I think it is a process, a complex and protracted process, no matter what claims one in the end; if one imagines the beauty, innocence, and potential of being seven years old, death is nothing in such a mind full of possibility and wonder; however, that stronghold of unadulterated ideology will begin to erode; it begins first, perhaps, with the death of a family pet, and the idea then becomes a reality, a concept that has first emerged; that is life; life is a process of dying piece by piece, moment by moment, one painful episode followed by another; yet, this is not meant to be melodramatic in any sense, merely insightful and honest; to live is necessarily to die, bit by bit; this process however should not overshadow the other side of life; to live is to know pain, the contrast between pain and pleasure is necessary to ever enjoy anything good in life; therefore, pain is the essential component to a happy life, but pain is also the slow process of dying; therefore, whatever affliction or misfortune finally dooms one is merely the final word, the nail in the coffin, it has little to do with life or death; it is merely the icing on the cake - so to speak; death itself is merely the poorly written conclusion to a life that depended upon deeply drawn plots of pain to make life worth something beyond the boredom of predictability and unparalleled pleasure.
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09:48 pm
[Link] | I had the great joy of spending my spring break doing one standardized ethics exam and a three day seminar on transitioning into the legal practice. That takes me through Wednesday. Then, Thursday and Friday, I'll have to make up all the hours of work I missed. Fairly awful! However, Saturday is the St. Patrick's day celebration and lots of good friends will be in town.
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07:44 pm
[Link] | Another thought, yesterday, Sunday, was beautiful weather wise. And, I cut the grass for the first time of the year. It was a wonderful thing; smelt amazing. Also got a chance to do some other yard work that needed done. Excellent day.
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02:11 pm
[Link] | It seems, after a discussion with my boss, that the ability to be emotionally callous is actually a boon in the field of family law; however, one should not be over-calloused. I think I fit that description better than it may appear. Also, an episode of Law and Order: SVU taught me something interesting about myself and my attraction to teachers, which it seems could include an attraction to nurses (which is an apt inclusion upon further internal inspection); it is the nurturing side of a person that I am attracted to. But, not the rest of the criminal sexual assault that that episode dealt with. Very interesting.
Current Mood: chipper
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08:22 pm
[Link] | I think I am beginning to begin again. Finally! And, I am happy enough with my solitude. It allows me to develop internally. On other fronts, things are good, though tasks often tug at me. All in all, I cannot complain.
Current Mood:  refreshed
Current Music: Sleepy Hollow
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08:59 pm
[Link] | I find myself caught in moments of torment and pain, and I wonder what to do with it. I know what I want to do; what I need to do. But, then I cannot fully contemplate where my happiness may truly come from. The source is so difficult to identify in the present, much less trying to forecast things yet to come. However, I know where I stand now and what I feel, and it is my fear that I may not be able to escape the present to save the future. The future itself is a weak subject for me given my particular outlook. But, I only know that I can take so much before I break down and find myself where I am now - in a bad place with no prospects. However, that is a betrayal to those who do care. What can I do? I feel like I betray myself in one regard; however, I feel I betray all the other in my life in another regard. All for one person, one person who has lied, who has been selfish, who has abandoned everything on a mere whim of a metaphysical breeze. I really have no right to have this much pity for myself. I truly find it pathetic, but that never makes it better. I can force myself to think of those who are in a worse station than myself, but their pain is their pain and my pain is my pain. Nothing can change that. I must do what I must; I can think of no other conclusion.
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09:48 am
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2008 Presidential Match
I don't normally partake in these, but I decided to take the liberty.
99% Dennis Kucinich
96% Mike Gravel
80% John Edwards
78% Chris Dodd
77% Barack Obama
74% Hillary Clinton
73% Joe Biden
69% Bill Richardson
33% Rudy Giuliani
32% Ron Paul
23% John McCain
17% Mike Huckabee
16% Mitt Romney
15% Tom Tancredo
7% Fred Thompson
2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz
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